Dear Ladies of the world,
Listen girls, we’ve got to have a little talk.
I know we all cringe when we hear that phrase, but trust me, this isn’t an “it’s not you, it’s me” kind of talk. Truth is, it’s us. All of us.
See the thing is, we’ve gotten a little out of hand about how we talk to each other and about each other. After years of feeling like everyone else was repressing us and telling us how to act, what to wear, and who to be, we’ve finally started to make some progress in simply loving ourselves. Sure, we’ve still got a long ways to go. We still struggle to keep from checking that scale every morning, we still compare our hair to that girl on the commercial (who let’s be real has a team of people retouching that gorgeous mane every fifteen seconds and has probably never used a drug store bottle of shampoo in her life). And maybe we do still sit there overthinking every word we said during our last social interaction because we’re certain we made complete fools of ourselves. But we’re doing better.
Or at least we were.
For some reason, we’ve recently taken to policing each other in ways befitting of the struggles we worked so hard to overcome. We feel it necessary to tell other girls what they’re wearing or how they’re acting is slutty. We belittle each other’s accomplishments. We talk about and behind and down and every other preposition in the world except up towards our fellow women. We cut and we take and we tear down every girl we come into contact with, not because anything they are doing affects us, but simply because it is second nature to knock each other down when we should be lifting each other up.
We have all been the victim of a Regina George type person in our lives, and what’s worse is that we’ve all been that person. Not one of us has clean hands in the matter. Not one of us can cast the first stone.
I have seen women say things like “she’s asking for it,” “she is degrading women by what’s she’s wearing,” “if she had a brain she wouldn’t have to rely on her boobs,” and even things like “she’s too fat for what she’s wearing.” And as hurtful as it’s always been when a guy tells us that, as much as we have jumped in to defend our friends when some man has said something like that to or about our friend, still we find ourselves in a place where now it’s us doing it. Now it’s our words laced with daggers, ripping each other to shreds.
When Wonder Woman was removed from her Honorary Ambassador position with the UN, the argument was that what she was wearing would detract from her being a good role model. Because of the outfit she was drawn in, she couldn’t possibly represent grace, honor, intelligence, strength, etc. This argument was made by women, signed by women, supported by women because they were worried about the future girls everywhere.
So am I.
I worry about the little girls who hear their mothers, sisters, aunts, friends, favorite TV stars, etc trashing other women because of how they dress, how they look, how they behave. I worry that when they hear things like “she’s too fat for that” or “she’s such a slut” that they will internalize that until it eats away at their self-esteem and compassion.
What makes Wonder Woman a hero isn’t the length of her shorts, but the depth of her character. What makes a woman smart isn’t the size of her bust, but the knowledge in her brain. What makes a woman kind and compassionate isn’t how little or how much make up she wears, or how many people she does or does not sleep with, or what jean size she puts on…it’s her ability to lend a helping hand, to hear others when they cry for help and respond, to realize that the works she does with her hands and her heart are far more important.
Each person on this world has a purpose, has a value, has a worth. They have a soul with the capacity for kindness and a heart that is made for love. And we may not know them, or what they are capable of, but we do know those things.
I can’t change the world with one letter. I probably can’t change it with a thousand letters. Or even a million. But I can make a start. Because as easy as it is for one hurtful word to catch fire and burn up inside of someone, so too can a good one.
So let me be the first person to say it, just in case no one else has today: you are beautiful. You, whether your hair is perfectly styled or hasn’t been washed or combed in four days, whether your eyeliner is equally winged or smeared across your face from a night full of tears, whether you're covered from head to toe or you’re rocking that mismatched panty and bra set in front of the mirror as you strut your stuff, YOU…YOU are beautiful, YOU have something wonderful to offer this world, and YOU alone can determine the when, where, why, and how you are going to do that.
Words may be powerful enough to hurt others, but they’re also strong enough to heal and mend and rebuild. So let’s take them back, Ladies. Let’s take them all back and let’s build a brighter future for us all. One where we can lift each other higher and higher up the ranks of that ladder, up the side of that mountain, over whatever obstacles come our way.
We are mighty. We are fierce. We are in this together. Let’s start acting like it.
Image credit: Sarah and Catherine Satrun